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12th-5/9 entries for annual ROM / muse - Dogcatchers of Vatican City vs. the fisherman of Switzerland / jkg

Put two ideas or tangibles together that don’t go + see how they relate. Even the game Mixed Taste has rules, + though it can’t be considered to be in the reaches - except the reaches of one’s mind - they do change every time. Giant Tortoise + Punk Rock scene of Vivienne Westwood. Second year novices + the ’67 Rambler. The Dog Catchers of Vatican City + (you knew this was coming ) Fisherman of Switzerland. 

Our minds want a linear story + what we can’t figure, our minds are able to massage into a believable form. Our intellects + our hearts build, (knock down + rebuild!) what we think we believe. In our life’s exploration we have criss-crossed the path from where we have been, back again over familiar terrain + not even recognized it. This reminds me of the resolute feeling of what jet lag is — working thorough everything needing attention at one time, + being totally, absolutely, completely ineffectual w/ it all at the same time. The wayward intent, though, becomes the layman’s Shunyata. This emptiness / openness permeates, + is seen as something to work through, but in the moment, you have to accept it. 

What may seem like a waste of time to some, my skin becomes thick + sharp w/ memories yelling Kiken, Kiken!

Sometimes what looks large from a distance, up close, ain’t never that big. -Bob Dylan

It is bravery when the risk is recognized. 

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12th-4/9 entries for annual ROM / muse - Fléctere si néqueo sùperos acheronta movebo / jahh 
  
Paris is not in Italy. But it’s close. 

The dreads have made it to the door — i have to remember each time whether to keep them at bay, or embrace them fully (the whole catastrophe) to knock the scare out of me. Reckoning it is different at different times in our lives. This past year, nicely, mercifully, is over. Spring will. Time passes + what has to be done, will be done. We’ll also find the hell raising will get done, for that is what sustains our artist souls. It is a little slice of immovable heaven, since we’re unsure if it will be that or the deep end we will be facing at the finish. Wow, for the silence after work has been put to bed. Who doesn't look forward to that? Virgil had a tattoo the color of a peach pit that read Fléctere si néqueo súperos acheronta movebo.  If he did not believe it on his deathbed —  he had the reminder while he lived, + the devotion to wear it on his sleeve.

A real life fable to try on. There was a storm overhead whipping up. i could see Orion steadying himself, trying to keep from being blown away. i ducked under a flopping wing of a torn roof seeking protection. Only half afraid, i wanted to remain outside to see the stars resistance + watch others scatter to safety. 

Hera is alive + well + living in Juno’s body. Her story has stained her. She studies by firelight + has learned to ignore her personal daimon. She does this because she can’t imagine not. If she were flesh + bone, one could see her mind peeling back to reach for an understanding of the mix - genius, legend, messiah complex. She believes things she will not talk about. All we have left is an early tin photo where the slow film + long exposure created a halo of bright light around her white gown of voile. The negative is seen bleeding black. i do not know how this relates to life, or this muse. It is simply beautiful, + its otherworldliness effect intrigues me compared to the sharp focus of realism.
Hera has left no comment on her married life. 

Ah yes! To Le Guin, where the rules change in the reaches.

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12th-3/9 entries for annual ROM / muse - to create, first control, to control, first destroy / jkg 

… + what comes before destroying oneself?

You destroy other stuff!

American things happen. Raise your hand if you’ve seen ridiculous screen fun called Destroy Build Destroy. Omfg — what an absolute train wreck. What an anomaly. Rough translation: Tribe of three teenage boys purge their testosterone by performing the title. Michelangelo’s Doni Tondo also asks that same eternal question. What are those boys doing in the background? Flipping each other w/ towels? Whoa to the Legion of Decency. Out of control + unaware of what, if anything, important is going on. Managing on the edge of chaos is an art, these boys are not anywhere in the vicinity the A word.

 

Where are the brick + mortar places that we played bohemians sit in a cafe + quietly revolt games? Gone. These guys would have destroyed them all. Some of the places have been gone for decades. i know intellectually that nothing lingers, + you don't need to have a physical place to exist if it is existing in your mind as a memory. But emotionally, those are memories that will follow me til i die. Mystifying. But there you go. You think something will be  around for ever-ever, but you’re just wrong. What can be built from the pieces? + then, always destroyed again.

Perhaps this is what I’d hoped for ever since that day: the destruction and loss of everything. That’s right. Destruction comes before creation, and to that goal even my own conscience must be cast aside. -Lelouch vi Britannia / Code Geass

Better than waking up to a plate of croissants + syringe of smack in a Paris hotel.

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12th-2/9 entries for annual ROM / muse - any quote by fernando pessoa / jahh 

Sacrifice feels like you’re winding up to do. + the slaughter is not the end unto itself. There are reactions of what you want to happen, + when you want something bad enough you can talk yourself into needing it. What remains is the longing for things that didn’t happen. 

It is more difficult to make a beautiful painting interesting than to make an interesting painting beautiful. Someone needs to not only understand this, but put it into practice — then, please, explain it to me. i think Pessoa could have. When he said you or they, he meant himself. + when he said himself, he still meant himself.  His switchbacks + sideways created authors unto themselves. You are excused from being my idea of you. i seem to channel him on my blank writing days. i simply cut + paste everything i think into saying, because that really is as non-sequential as i feel. 

It becomes the winding up to say something unique, + after a launch from the tongue + now almost landed onto paper — the phone bleep-bleeps because i’ve forgotten to switch it to airplane mode. Then it becomes a chase back to the idea. The time lost has severed the thread. Finding even one word to get back on the track is impossible w/ every lost moment. What is that lost time called?  Were does it go? There must be a word somewhere that simplifies this feeling of difference between unfurling + unraveling. What ever that word is, Proust must have been the inventor.

i awake excited about the day + end exhausted from it. +, somewhere in between i visit the central gardens at a distance of 6 feet. i absorb details surrounding me. Sort of like superman hearing everything yet waiting to hear the one thing that piques his interest. i land on a pair of converse shoes w/ laces tied together, apparently granny thrown to sail up + whip wrap around the electric line going from the street to the park privy. (EW! Helen! A public bathroom!) That’s not all i see. Focusing on these keds, i make out the structure of the shoes gently swinging above me. The black cotton canvas, + the work involved in making it. The fertile land in Egypt where the raw materials were grown, the sweating backs of the laborers, their homes, their families setting the table for the evening meal. i see the manufacturers in distant regions, the machines, the dyers coloring the threads + weaving the tough cloth, the seamstresses,  who cut the individual pieces, stitch them up, the shaping of the iconic stamped rubber toe + converse decal,  lacing of the shoe laces + mashing of the plastic end tips so they will not fray. The schleps that brought the pieces here + there + those truckers that connected the dots to make the product displayed above me. Beyond them i see their thoughts + hopes for their lives + their days + their next moments. The domestic lives each play out as their realities unfold before my eyes. All these hours, all these lives dedicated to the building of a pair of shoes someone has casually thrown up on wires. i become dense smoke + feel myself shrinking + implode in my seat. i’ve traveled 30 years + 3000 miles w/out out leaving my bench. i leave the park exhausted, like a sleepwalker, having lived a multitude of lives.

In order to understand, I destroyed myself. -Fernando Pessoa

It is what has happened in the shadows that will remain w/ me forever.

 

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12th-1/9 entries for annual ROM / muse - hellhounds in the museum / pk

The picnic that is River of Mnemosyne. 

Where anything can happen + will.

Already, my life is a shaky substructure teetering on misunderstandings, hearing half truths, + damn if i can’t think of a third to make this a well rounded sentence. 

Hellhounds in the Museum sounds like a regret. Or a challenge. Or perhaps, a regretful challenge. Why are these damn muses always so damn obtuse? Damn. + again. i can’t help but think they are made for a creator of one. Someone whom picked a muse essential to their own story, an offhand MacGuffin to move someone’s single pointed plot along + simultaneously chosen to throw everyone else off their creative slipstream current by turning every other table upside down along the way. Hellhound on my trail. But, i do go on. Yes?

Hellhound in the museum is a contra flavor of elephant in the room, or perhaps - I can’t find the correct lipstick shade.

The hellhound most defiantly is in the Natural History Museum. (+ likely designed, painted + built by a friend who knows no hell). An extended Hellhound family captured in any number of ways — all illegal, + any number of places — all private property, with any number of intentions — all anti-Peta. Gutted + stuffed into a cyclorama. Minding their own businesses + refusing the fourth wall, the red eyes of the pups peer out from a dark den w/ an imagined tunnel to inner earth + intertwined w/ roots of a faux Balboa tree. Their cockeyed painful look of painful taxidermy is carried over, belying tameness in the state of frozen time. 

One member of the family is noticeably missing - perhaps this hound is employed as a docent in the Rod Sterling wing, aptly named the Other Night Gallery. Peering into hellish paintings w/ hellish themes, darting here + there around suspended frames. This floating feature mesmerized me. Where my 20th century mind said how is that? Today i laugh haha! The hellhound is at home + looking quite natural wearing a this is not a tour tee, grappling w/ a megaphone + queuing the horror foley w/ a condescending drawl.

On the other hand, maybe she's belying a peanut farmer, w/ chicken feathers stuck out the corner of her mouth. Is she the goody-two-shoes cousin from the other side of the tracks? Mules on her feet + diploma clinched in her paw, glasses balancing way down on her nose, as she searches for a brood to teach the dangerous ways of the deadly forefather hellhounds. Or, posing as a derby fox type character? Dapper + charismatic in a bell top hat + knickers holding a riding crop, to ward off the ferrel dogs that would pursue her. Shapeshifting into kitsune or his twin of the Inari Shrine variety. 

i’m imagining the drawing of the dutch classic blurring the ape form into human merging into frog. The morphing of animal farm that shape-shifts into + back from. Where the entire animal kingdom, including humans, don’t land far from the same tree. This could all be an irrational notion. Though empirically, the tracked mud + indelible foul breath proves this character is real. On the other hand, from my lips to gods ear.

The Greeks called Cerberus was a demon, but i say not. He was no Black Shuck of East Anglia, but a three headed sweetheart that was misunderstood, left unattended, + neglected at the gate — how could he not be a little defensive? As the saying goes, (okay, yes - i’ve viewed the film Fiddler on the Roof three times this week) deviation from the norm will be punished unless it is exploitable.

It is the preverbal hellhound of the mind — second cousin to the monkey mind we all know so well. We are the hellhound enclosed in the museum; our virtual mind. The visiting character is masked up + sashaying around dull thoughts + puny sparks. Perhaps she wears the PPS mask begrudgingly, because when the muse was imagined it was not necessary. She had another mask in mind. The mask behind the mask, where no-one is the wiser. A Hell Hound of Baskerville by any other name. Seen in Bulgaria, Turkey, Vietnam, Siberia, Romania, Russia, Chile, Lithuania, Sardinia … you get the picture. Or in other words, the big dark harbinger of death is inside us all. Peering around wildly w/ red eyes that illuminate our fears.

Though they are buried in opposite ends of the earth, one dog will find them both.  -Djuna Barnes

As the good book says; someone wants us to sacrifice something.

What i learned today:

• It takes just the right warm pink + just the right cool violet to make a peach hue. 
• When my eye balls become cold it is time to turn on the heat.
• Domestic skills have more to do w/ survival skills.

This isn't Peaboby + Sherman improbable history — this is the real thing!

A small, in the works work. Ode to Crow. Will make an extrapolated booklet of its ten pages.

Working + building color my mind went to the phrase - Color Scheme.

So, what i’m thinking today:

This makes color sound dishonest. Who can take a dishonest color seriously? i like colors to tell true stories. That’s it, True Color Stories.

 

My muse leaned against the brick wall, struck a match on his heal + had a smoke. 

He was in no hurry.

He said, You are not a writer unless you write very day.

i replied, since he is very well educated + thoughtful in his criticism, in the only way he would understand;

i said, fuc you.

He loves that talk.

 

Is silence ever?

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another direction. -Douglas MacArthur

Again w/ the ready fire aim - jumping in at any point to initiate a beginning.

Why bother to go play when already thoughts run wild around guests that politely fume on smoke rings quelling any interest + stealling meaningful time by adhering to the soft clutch of conversation skimming as an oil slick across water straying just out of reach.

Cultivating diversity -

Hone natural abilities that lie on tables tops sliding onto the travertine floor waiting for a chance to escape with a livelihood all their own — only to wait wait wait patiently so very quiet calm collected unnoticed even turning into gelatinous dusty messes unable to perform unable to redeem yea unable to think. -note a/part of me wrote in my croquis two decades ago.

What i learned today:

• It is still useless to use dirty water while using white paint.

• Walking after dusk is relaxing as i do not see what needs to be tended to - while enjoying the white flowers pop.

• It seems the more personal the work the more it becomes a universal agreement. 

• Again, it is harder to make beautiful painting interesting, then a to make an interesting painting beautiful.

While re-watching Leone’s Once Upon a Time in America, i recognized the importance of a secondary scene. Noodles walks into Fat Moe’s bar + hands him a clock key. Fats walks to the stopped grandfather clock + switches time back on* after 30+ years of Noodles absence. This is a clue of Noodles is death + this is his alternative future in his delusion of reprieve state of opium. Just sayin'.

*As in the Victorian practice of stopping a clock at the time of death.

When the opportunity expresses itself stand up + spin around, stepping up to a higher plane recognizing that none of this matters - that is the exhilaration part. Then sit back down + when your eyes close you will remember repulsively to pay the electric bill. 

above: Degrees of Spontaneity in Times of Resistance

                                                                  -30-

Random thoughts and spills. 

But first, a quote from Joey:

The hero is the champion of things becoming, not of things become, because he is. Before Abraham was, I AM. He does not mistake apparent changelessness in time for the permanence of Being, nor is he fearful of the next moment, as destroying the permanent with its change. Nothing retains its own form; but Nature, the greater renewer, ever makes up forms from forms. Be sure there’s nothing perishes in the whole universe; it does but vary and renew its form. Thus the next moment is permitted to come to pass.  

Observations:

#399 My self imposed to-do list is once again, at the moment, manageable. Sending projects on their way w/ little lives of their own. On the other hand; if it’s not going to be finished, this is the week it won’t get done.

What i learned today:

• Security is confidence in leaving an environment + knowing you can come back to it. Constance is comfort. At home it is easy to assume + feel on top of things. When traveling we plunge into uncertainty. We are reminded of this everywhere we turn, everywhere we go. This venture of uncertainty is exciting. Also, de-habilitating. Knowledge gives out, lights go dim. There is a need to be more attentive, do more interpreting, be more intuitive about emirate surroundings.

IDEA: 

Having an emergency at the Emergency 1/4 Mile sign. 

  

Queue to remember memories. 

Memory chained to physical forms.

Rules vs. Expectations

trinket + trick = tricket 

Going upstairs helping an elderly person get to a landing i can't back down. i turn to egress as the escape hatch gets smaller when i move toward the opening. The same landing the next night in the same dream the room turned elevator turned cage turned trapped into a barred coffin.

A warm evening breeze carries the heady aroma of honeysuckle though the open window. Wild honey suckle. Uncontrollable, growing + covering anything still. + the warm glow of fireflies up the trees. 

You can't have a light without a dark to stick it in.  -Arlo

At a small town community center there were tears on the floor from decades of past Saturday morning posts illustrated by Norman Rockwell. i’ve heard he did not consider himself a fine artist, + he admired greatly those who claimed that title. He was content to beautifully, sentimentally, illustrate - exposing the american human condition at a time when there was much to question. Not much changes.

i will give another nod to J. C. Leyendecker. 

Without thinking too much about it in specific terms, I was showing the America I knew and observed to others who might not have noticed. -Norman Rockwell

Now the years are rolling by me

They are rockin’ evenly

I am older than I once was

And younger than I’ll be; that’s not unusual

Nor is it strange

After changes upon changes

We are more or less the same

After changes we are more or less the same

- P. Simon

We are back where we start. 
Always struggling to find ourselves right here, right now – missing it.

Random thoughts, or, chewing the re-entry scenery. 

i want to read something real weird + real loud w/out words.

modify that —

Well, maybe something not too weird + not too loud

but defiantly w/out words.

What i learned today:

• It takes up a lot of time to quantify my ignorance. 

• Mixing red + blue paint, still won't make green, every time.

• Waiting for the music to make an S curve sometimes takes a real long time.

• Making the sublime look spontaneous takes more time than one might think.

• Devouring space that is expanding beyond concept devours time.

Tricky connotations, endless denotations. 

Using words to justify something far greater than.

Communication that is more complicated than this + takes more time than i have.

9 out of 9 

the very end of the beginning 

Racket sounds off from both ends of the house the heat pump + the refrigerator are rehearsing for their rap group audition for little carnegie playhouse but I'm terrified to let them both in on that lcp has been defunct + dejunked for years my mistake + so whorling out of any control i go into van eyck mode except not by painting detailed pupils into the eyes of pinhead sized figure sitting in boats + floating on calm water but spiraling into the details of guilt shame + other dark human condition type thingies remembering every wrong i have ever done to anyone any thing every mistake + insult to the artistic aesthetic i have ever made every one every single one this goes on for a way too long till this dreaded interior psychotic evil will’s fading + i recover in the early hours from the pain + remember again like all the previous springtimes a portable table will be placed over the heat pump clamped down gingham draped creating an outdoor nook to welcome afternoon tea time + so there in a few weeks the baton will be completely handed over to the fridge + the heat pump will take a long rest from its tireless heating as the fridge takes on labored cooling w/ it’s own brand of ennui whining pitch for attention who knows what these souls think? 

-30-