Settled in - but not settling. 

Winter work is thinning + fading w/ the longer days — coming out in spring gets harder + harder each year … until one day it will be unthinkable. i just won’t come back. 

Time goes + wishing i had more physical manifestations of how the hours were spent.

Going back though a bunch of Old Work that i'm not happy w/. But, i am not going to rework any of it.

Hell, i can do New Work + not be happy w/ it.

What i learned today:

War cannot be comprehended because it doesn’t make sense.

In any case, you wanted to see a middle + an end?

There is none. Only this.

An example of heavy-handed lightheartedness.

i watched a band concert night before before last. The music was a mix of their long history together. It is interesting to hear watershed work. Pulling from such a vast corpus must be overwhelming — the possibilities to pick + choose + rework what you did not get right the first time, what remains relevant + what changing one word will make relevant now.

A valuable attribute. 

Ah yes! It is bravery when risk is recognized. 

Risk ... fear ... whatever it is ...  a reminder to face it, acknowledge it, + move forward.

 

The Hanzon Studio has used the term Ready-Fire-Aim figuratively over the years. + literally a sign was placed above a door a few decades ago —  one would involuntarily bow to pass under it. In layman’s terms it proclaimed the ability to start before you are altogether ready in order to initiate a beginning. 

i am thinking that it is nice not sit with nerves any longer. Nervous may be in fashion from time to time. It seemed amazing to me years ago, to hear if you don’t give it too much attention, this nervous thing eventually goes away. It has ended up true. Now i wait for that sickly feeling of dread. But the worry never comes. i am not jaded, just at ease. What remains is the slow burn of excitement.

My butterflies use to want to know what to do. Now they no longer need to.

                                                                      

It's not just me, right? 

i’m guessing most humans get side tracked by trying to decipher older notes + scribbles meant to be meaningful additions to their personal repertoire. 

Random thoughts are very clear.

Extrapolating knowledge from a cereal box - every morning it’s the next biggest thing.

A lampshade has been put on the dancer this time + the marley floor has been washed w/ soda as to warn the audience w/ tac-tacking steps. Keeping the butts awake in case they do not see the long shadows cast from their own theater seats.

Itchy trigger fingers not waiting for a queue — aiming only to be noticed.  Not a very good reason to fire.

The evolution of the calendar. What type of personality wakes up in the morning w/ the thought of changing the yearly calendar? What some people do in the name of science others do just for kicks.

Daylight dispels the phantoms of the night. In these dark hours are we a generation of dreamers? Or, were we born to a generation of dreamers.

Walking on a dune, i look down onto a desolate shore. Presently kiosks magically appear scattered about near the water — creating ritual opportunities. i can see far off folks taking bleached paper from bamboo cages + folding it into large monarchs.

Others heading toward the shore catch up to me. i become a group, then, the converging crowd overtakes me, walking faster toward the origami monarchs as the delicate wings come to life down near the shore. The butterfly ceremony at the waters edge has been supplanted w/ the masses that presently have woven deep w/in the sandy mob. 

i can almost keep up, but am relishing the view from afar.

Life is easier when you want things that already exist.

IDEA: W/in the normal limits.

Fall moves in to set up shop quietly

it slips in while i ignore the thermostat

as the last of the zinnias 

negotiate + test the air for safety 

+ again are fooled into a final hurrah 

.....

other seasons’ rehearsing

are snuffed out by autumn anger 

shaking off muddy leaves

+ dirt debris of late summer

its revenge descends

on cool eves

then looking around satisfied  

that gardens have been put to bed

or not

autumn settles up

to settle down 

into a facade

of clammy cold

till the moment retires 

under tranquil 

untroubled

tender 

snow.

For me, organizing thoughts on paper is somewhat of a time waster.

Are memes simply reactions? What’s wrong w/ that word? Noun or adjective? Does each lie one side or the other in meaning? i feel like Gilda’s Emily reporting on news she misunderstands … nevermind.

+ another thing. When people say Meta, i think they are referring to Metta. So this Meta thing - how can you NOT be self aware? Prove it.

Which leads me to this idea; Immediately after a cup of caffeine, i successfully trick myself into believing anything is possible.

Kneecapus jerkum lirberaile.

The puzzllerum piece was neveum missuming buttus goaum toic usit ot withoutuc excusiumics youous nowithave twoicum. Writ lotteries requinsic tos loam hepit madders soomopic clenliness es tom eatum isys ona platters. Ic ous it au um. 

- Experimenting w/ piggish prose latin. Upon writing + leaving it for a minute, i’ve no remembrance as to the push. So will leave it to others' imagination.

The wave of easy rider songs are in my head crammed into every turn. The soundtrack playing like a documentary racing through my thoughts.

Bloody ripper of an IDEA;

No matter the why or whose doing it, sometimes all you can do is pray. 

Not w/ words, but w/ actions.

Rest on that.

 The inevitable change that burns up the present moment.

i like to say + even believe, the dadaist had way too much time on their hands. They seem to have been the  original extra. Every seven years or so i decide to channel that crew + dream that i can create collage,  —  + i am dreaming — + once again i learn that i do not like the process of cut + paste. i say, my results are awkward + contrived + sophomoric. Though in my earlier life i may have rejoiced in awkward + contrived - it being a style of its own - i now cringe at the result. i hurriedly sand it into oblivion or tuck the project away to hide it from myself. + like a cat, go about my business as though nothing extraordinary had happened. 

This is a good sentence to end. It was penned by Drew, from a character study. 

i am hoping to quote it correctly. + promising to ask if the inclusion is okay.

It was times like these that she enjoyed the enlightenment others look for their entire lives.

Be aware when there is a wolf in the next room and headed this way.

Dreaming of an arrow — with a history it would be an artifact. Has it been used? Looking for clues as to whether it has been used. Imagining i see clues to if it has been used. Lucid dream of this imagining brings me out of the dream world + plunks me in this.

Tsukumogami is a somewhat precise word describing an object that has been around long enough to develop a soul. Inanimate becoming sentient. Is this why some of us are drawn to items with a history of use? They are on their way to sentientness. Just a few more hundred years or so — how impossibly long could it take?

What i learned today:

• It takes just the right warm pink + just the right cool violet to make a peach hue. 
• When my eye balls become cold it is time to turn on the heat.
• Domestic skills have more to do w/ survival skills.

This isn't Peaboby + Sherman improbable history — this is the real thing!

A small, in the works work. Ode to Crow. Will make an extrapolated booklet of its ten pages.

Working + building color my mind went to the phrase - Color Scheme.

So, what i’m thinking today:

This makes color sound dishonest. Who can take a dishonest color seriously? i like colors to tell true stories. That’s it, True Color Stories.

 

My muse leaned against the brick wall, struck a match on his heal + had a smoke. 

He was in no hurry.

He said, You are not a writer unless you write very day.

i replied, since he is very well educated + thoughtful in his criticism, in the only way he would understand;

i said, fuc you.

He loves that talk.

 

Is silence ever?

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another direction. -Douglas MacArthur

Again w/ the ready fire aim - jumping in at any point to initiate a beginning.

Why bother to go play when already thoughts run wild around guests that politely fume on smoke rings quelling any interest + stealling meaningful time by adhering to the soft clutch of conversation skimming as an oil slick across water straying just out of reach.

Cultivating diversity -

Hone natural abilities that lie on tables tops sliding onto the travertine floor waiting for a chance to escape with a livelihood all their own — only to wait wait wait patiently so very quiet calm collected unnoticed even turning into gelatinous dusty messes unable to perform unable to redeem yea unable to think. -note a/part of me wrote in my croquis two decades ago.

What i learned today:

• It is still useless to use dirty water while using white paint.

• Walking after dusk is relaxing as i do not see what needs to be tended to - while enjoying the white flowers pop.

• It seems the more personal the work the more it becomes a universal agreement. 

• Again, it is harder to make beautiful painting interesting, then a to make an interesting painting beautiful.

While re-watching Leone’s Once Upon a Time in America, i recognized the importance of a secondary scene. Noodles walks into Fat Moe’s bar + hands him a clock key. Fats walks to the stopped grandfather clock + switches time back on* after 30+ years of Noodles absence. This is a clue of Noodles is death + this is his alternative future in his delusion of reprieve state of opium. Just sayin'.

*As in the Victorian practice of stopping a clock at the time of death.

When the opportunity expresses itself stand up + spin around, stepping up to a higher plane recognizing that none of this matters - that is the exhilaration part. Then sit back down + when your eyes close you will remember repulsively to pay the electric bill. 

above: Degrees of Spontaneity in Times of Resistance

                                                                  -30-

Random thoughts and spills. 

But first, a quote from Joey:

The hero is the champion of things becoming, not of things become, because he is. Before Abraham was, I AM. He does not mistake apparent changelessness in time for the permanence of Being, nor is he fearful of the next moment, as destroying the permanent with its change. Nothing retains its own form; but Nature, the greater renewer, ever makes up forms from forms. Be sure there’s nothing perishes in the whole universe; it does but vary and renew its form. Thus the next moment is permitted to come to pass.  

Observations:

#399 My self imposed to-do list is once again, at the moment, manageable. Sending projects on their way w/ little lives of their own. On the other hand; if it’s not going to be finished, this is the week it won’t get done.

What i learned today:

• Security is confidence in leaving an environment + knowing you can come back to it. Constance is comfort. At home it is easy to assume + feel on top of things. When traveling we plunge into uncertainty. We are reminded of this everywhere we turn, everywhere we go. This venture of uncertainty is exciting. Also, de-habilitating. Knowledge gives out, lights go dim. There is a need to be more attentive, do more interpreting, be more intuitive about emirate surroundings.

IDEA: 

Having an emergency at the Emergency 1/4 Mile sign. 

  

Queue to remember memories. 

Memory chained to physical forms.

Rules vs. Expectations

trinket + trick = tricket 

Going upstairs helping an elderly person get to a landing i can't back down. i turn to egress as the escape hatch gets smaller when i move toward the opening. The same landing the next night in the same dream the room turned elevator turned cage turned trapped into a barred coffin.

Random thoughts, or, chewing the re-entry scenery. 

i want to read something real weird + real loud w/out words.

modify that —

Well, maybe something not too weird + not too loud

but defiantly w/out words.

What i learned today:

• It takes up a lot of time to quantify my ignorance. 

• Mixing red + blue paint, still won't make green, every time.

• Waiting for the music to make an S curve sometimes takes a real long time.

• Making the sublime look spontaneous takes more time than one might think.

• Devouring space that is expanding beyond concept devours time.

Tricky connotations, endless denotations. 

Using words to justify something far greater than.

Communication that is more complicated than this + takes more time than i have.