DOM #10 / 1 out of 9

The winter of my discontented heat pump. 

A dream seems like reality as long as we are in it. -Carl Jung

somewhere in November.

Waking this morning i vaguely remember dreaming in darkness the sound of the heat pump invading my consciousness having noised off every half hour or so + the paying of the dreaded utility bill came into my rolling mind condensed along w/ vivid memories of an iron maiden thump thump thumping w/ bruised tar laden lungs w/ distorted breath triggering + shuddering  — oh my — this tactful conditioning we have of a sound modifying itself into our mind that will plummet whatever hope of leveling the playing field for the coming day + as it is barely cold enough outside to leave a watery frost on the inside of the windows that i have quilted over opaque for the rest of the wintery part of the year yet still needing to plant a bit of spring when there is a break to 41 degrees on saturday. 

One should say before sleeping, I have lived many lives. I have been a slave and a prince. Many a beloved has sat upon my knees and I have sat upon the knees of many a beloved. Everything that has been shall be again. -W. B. Yeats

It was as though we all took a suicide pill, but it’s not very strong so we all have to live one more day - what would you do?

Thanks, that's all i got.

Cross-training keeps us growing.

Circa '94 - Caught cross-training, bewildered 
somewhere in Hong Kong... 

Fire-ready-aim; go ahead. 

inscribe an epic poem with a burned carrot

smear your favorite cookbook with marinara

scribble your heart on your sleeve with your new pen knife

forgo supper for a marathon dancing onto wet paint

go ester williams swimming within 30 minutes of eating a huge meal 

Who said that? i tend to blame the devil on surrealist’s influences. They had way too much time on their hands. Pretend you do, too.

... with these folks.

Is art-form a learning, amuse/ment, or escape? Why is it important to have fun or forget all this worldly world. And, really, should we? The compassionate response is so fleeting, when there is so much to be done. How large does a hole need to be to crawl into it? Meher Baba was silent for 40 years — until his death. He believed there had been enough talk, it was time to live it. Thinking this is only impressive if you make that decision, + then live for 40 more years. Would it have been so great if he had taken the vow of silence + then got hit by a truck two days later?  Oh wow, he didn't talk for two days before he died!

May be Bushido training is what we all need. 

Altar / medium

Alchemy / technique

Spirit / inspiration

It seems there is a place in my memory bank for kb. i can't  pick out one index card  to reference, finding the entire file when assessed + opened. A flood is washed over me w/ memories like scalar wave of ferocious intensity.

trying to play 
along 
alone

If it's not killing me, it is helping me. - Shohaku-san

Again i am reminded how well i can cover up my last mistake w/ the next process.

Taking a lit candle into a smaller room creates the illusion of a brighter light. The glow of  illumination becomes stronger in a more limited space; brightening the space for inspection + introspection.

Work that's neither pretty, nor thoughtful. But pretty thoughtful.

To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,

Creeps in this petty pace from day to day

To the last syllable of recorded time,

And all our yesterdays have lighted fools

The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!

Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player

That struts and frets his hour upon the stage

And then is heard no more: it is a tale

Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,

Signifying nothing. 

-Macbeth - through Shakespeare

Kind of like:

The moon in the water; 
Broken and broken again, 
Still it is there. 

~ Choshu. 

My eyes are squeezed shut, blinking inwardly. What am i doing? 
Shhh, i'm researching.

Has it become thus - when someone needs to be either a harasser, or a victim to get attention?

Bashō … Later that year he left Edo on the first of four major wanderings. What a wonderful way to separate the chapters of a life. The meander separating chapters can be tissue thin.

At some point, we need to stop looking for invisible scars, + take our freedom. 

i do not know where this stuff comes from. It comes to me + i report. Wether i believe it or not, is of no consequence.

... and we laughed how our perfection

would always be denied. -Joni Mitchell

A human prerequisite is enduring + contending w/ persistent detours of the mind + body.

Heraclean tasks of the modern world.

1. Capture any solution + wrestle it into reality. 

4. Recognize a nihilistic response + remove the physical challenge that is begging to be violated.

5. Bend two wrongs to make a right.

6. Scare a murder of crows away w/ extraordinary music.

7. Focus your aggressive, uncontrollable humor on a mirror forcing it to reveal itself.

11. Save someone in anguish + then ask if this person has the knowledge you seek.

12. Use a gift as a great persuader.

13. (alternate challenge) Create a shore for Michael to row his boat up on to.

)

Remembering Regrets: 

i do not remember changing the oil in my car in my 20s. 

Meaningless forced social interaction.

Rhythm grammer.

Appreciation / care / gratitude.

i believe in the practice, the ebb + flow that is working w/in the heart of kindness, there is an easy give + take.

i need to be aware of the compassionate moment to be kind + helpful.

Because of fear, rejection, pick any human condition on this side of the scale. i look away, steer away — instead of walking into someone's life for that moment of need. 

When asked, How are you?

We simply shrug off the kindness by saying, I’m okay. When it is obvious to both that something is at hand.

i read a poem a few days ago about how we are so disconnected, that currently compliments + saying god-bless-you are now a tribal glue, since we no longer hang out around the fire pit + chew bones.

Rest on that.

 
A simple note in my apologetic conversation remorse way. 
Chopped up + spread over a page w/out much notice.

unable to refuse

you wait

til re-fuse

dead-eye

fire

IDEA: 

There is fascination with the sacred; even when it is someone else’s.

i do believe there is an aesthetic difference in essence art + personality art. The unknown always seems more mysterious than it needs to be. When it is not on my mind, it's not mysterious at all.

Yes, that is the mood of the day. It will, as ever, make for interesting conversation.

Time is short, even though one can seem to get a lifetime of work done in an afternoon. The lifetimes, real or imagined, stack up in the corner of my desk. It is hard to be one person when we each are so many. Funny how that time thingy expands + contracts.