My understanding of being a twelfth house sun sets me adrift near the knowing just enough to be dangerous category. Everyday occurrences can become much too much to process. There is a constant need to disappear. Fortunately, my dearest friends accept my habit of excusing myself from social to-dos to be left to function within my own mental climate. Since I dislike having nothing in common with someone, small talk is not my forté. I do enjoy living vicariously, though, and since one can’t know everything, that must be what friends are for. You may have figured there just may have to be a reason. Maybe not.
I had finally made it, and there was KB, smoking violently and leaning up against the wall. He saw me coming. Stomping out his cigarette, he rolled his eyes and asked,
“What took you so long?” And we pushed open the pearly gates and entered together.
I am hoping, of course, that the line of questioning is to our general advantage. How much we enable others... not what we gleaned for ourselves. How wonderful a friend we were... not how many we had. How much we gave away... not how much we ended up with.
The good Samaritan makes to-do lists for escapism. When the chances arise be ready for any level of miracle. Leave expensive jewelry at rest stops in impoverished areas. Pay the toll boother one hundred dollars for you and the next ninety-nine cars. Store priceless marble statues in the trunk of a stranger’s car for ballast.
Contemplating on the meaningful takes much longer. I fall asleep wondering if I’ve done all I can do ... The favor is returned with an uncomfortable dream. I am lying on a rug and friends are encircling me taking turns with a talking stick. Passing the token, each verbally digs at what they really think of me. Even in this dream state I knew their reason didn’t rest on bedrock. I still became emotionally stripped. I awoke thinking this dream was so bad it must satisfy one of the prerequisites of the twelve steps.
A friend not only tells the truth, but leaves unsaid the obvious at an opportune moment.
It’s been a day of allegories.
Some better than others.